Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Isn’t if funny how you never really know what life has in store, yet there are all these people with plans for the future as if they know or think they know what their destiny holds. Sure enough it is important to work a plan and plan your work, however, it isn’t a guarantee.

Death, Taxes, and Change are the only guarantees I know of and because I am a Christian, I believe Jesus and salvation are guaranteed to those who believe. What happens to non-believers, well as a Christian, I am taught not to judge so I can’t say. I don’t know. I just know I Believe!!

I am in a huge struggle with life and myself. I am thirty four years old, divorced, no children and I have a great mind and huge heart, but I am a dreamer, and a do-gooder, and I put what spirit wants for my life over what will profit me financially and this has often times made me having a conventional life quite hard.

Before I go any further with the woes of my life, let me note a big majority of the chaos and dismay I have suffered in life has been self-afflicted. However I did have some life events that were out of my control, which added to already stressful situations. Exp; My little brother Daniel died in 2003 and my Mom and Best Friend Bessie “White Fawn” passed in 2005.

My story is that of a survivor, I am just at a loss as to what I am surviving for, what is the purpose of my earth walk? I want to experience a “normal” life with stability, no drama, children, and all the dreams most American girls have from childhood. I want to live a life that will make the sacrifices my mom and the Lord made for me, worth their while.

I am a mound of talent, I truly am!!! I have common sense, humor, wit, and more sales savvy than most people I have ever met. I have a gift to connect with others and see their needs and I have a natural, built in ability, to offer my assistance and want to help others reach their goals.

I try to have success stories across the areas of my life. I am always dreaming. I am always thinking outside the box. This may be the problem. Maybe I spend too much time outside the box and not enough time in it, being structured.

It was always assumed with me in my heart that one day I would get married and have children and then I would have a routine and be all about my family. Well even though I married an amazing man and we just didn’t work out and we are divorced now. During my marriage I found out that I could not have children in a conventional way.

I had a tubal pregnancy and lost my right tube and after much trying I had to have my left tube removed due to how clogged it was and the fact I would more than likely have another tubal and the last one almost killed me. I was five weeks pregnant in my tube and it was moments away from rupturing.

I tell you this to explain, that structure in the true sense, the way I thought it would be never came. I could have IVF and get pregnant because my ovaries and uterus are good it is just REALLY expensive and now I am no longer married a dream for the back burner I am afraid. Another prayer that is God’s wait a while pile.

Nonetheless, I have not real plan for my life, it seems as if all I have been doing is surviving and just trying to keep my head above water. It is my prayer that the Lord will show me a clear-cut path towards what he wants me to be when I grow up!!! I am writing this blog to get as many prayers as possible. PLEASE Pray Gods will over my life and that he will show me what he wants me to do!!!

Thank you to all of you who read this and pray for me.
Feel free to write me and ask me to pray for you, I will!!!
I am going to write all types of thoughts and stories from my life on this blog page, I hope you will read often and get to know me and feel free to let me get to know you.
Take Care,
Shirley Buglione